Tag: fantasy

Reciprocity Fail Or Elemental Mishap?

Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com

Lately, I have been drawn to watercolor painting, and as I sat mixing shades for my latest project, It occurred to me how similar the 5 Elements and primary colors are. Each has a unique foundation, an underlying basis or principle that can not be created. But they can be altered by mixing and fusing with each other, to produce unique and beautiful one of a kind hues, or Elemental patterns.

Just as a well trained artist knows how to bring a composition to life, skillfully using pigments and tone to create beauty and interest, or invoke our emotions. So too, do the Five Elements dance with each other to create fascinating patterns, personality traits, and colorful code words. 

And I see and hear those patterns, traits and vivid code words everywhere. I almost can’t help it. An occupational hazard, I guess. In fact, a few days ago while I was listening to one of my favorite psychology podcasts, it happened again! The guest was inadvertently using so many descriptive Elemental code words to describe her work, that I actually couldn’t focus on what she was saying anymore. I felt compelled to pause the podcast and try to look up her numbers. Fortunately, she was a professor at a prominent university, and I was able to find her birthdate.

But even if I couldn’t have gotten her numbers, I was pretty sure I knew what her Elements were. Sometimes our Elemental traits speak so strongly, that it is almost impossible to miss. As was the case with this professor.

Indeed, she was predominantly Water Element. Of course, she also had some Earth and Metal Elements in her nature, but her Water was definitely talking throughout the interview.

From the beginning, her story captivated me, especially how firmly it linked with the Water Element. She holds a Ph.D in behavioral decision research and on this episode of the podcast she was discussing the cost of concealment. Her research suggests that the secrets we keep hidden from others can erode our connections and clog our mental space. (Water erodes, think of the Grand Canyon and the brain is actually associated with the Water Element.) And as she explained, we do this out of lack of trust, or fear that we will be judged by others. 

Hmm… concealment, hidden secrets, erosion, fear, I thought. All associated with the Water Element, and the fact that she has chosen to make a career out of this particular research, fascinating! Water folks love to dwell in the covert deep abyss of the unknown, and they can be extremely secretive and distrustful, especially when they get hurt.

But for me, the most interesting part of her story was when she described an incident that happened years before at a “rookie” academic job fair, involving what she termed “mutual self disclosure.” Which is the reciprocal, voluntary sharing of personal information, feelings or experiences, as a way to build trust and intimacy. And in her words, she had a “reciprocity fail.”

Fresh out of college and seeking a career in academia, she attended the robust event at a large hotel, where all universities that are recruiting rent out suites. Every hour on the hour, all the candidates move from room to room pitching themselves and presenting their research. 

As she is waiting for the elevator to go to yet another suite, the doors open and she steps inside and notices there is only one other job candidate on the lift. As the steel doors close, she wearily looks at the the man, and utters that she is completely exhausted from the days events, hoping he will commiserate with her, and they can have a shared moment of friendship. But he doesn’t. Instead, he straightens up and cheerfully responds, “oh this is such a fun opportunity to get senior faculty to weigh in on all of my research! It is just so amazing!” Reciprocity fail.

But the thing is, he’s probably Wood Element, possibly even mixed with some Fire Element. Mingling with the senior staff, being able to present his stuff, get some valuable feedback, perhaps even set some new goals… it likely was energizing and awesome for him.

However, she is Water Element, and being around all those people in such a structured, fast paced environment, was exhausting for her. As I perceived it, it wasn’t so much a “reciprocity fail,” as much as an Elemental patterns mishap or rather mismatch. It’s probably not that he didn’t take the olive branch or mean to shut her down, he just didn’t experience the event in the same way. But as she noted, the sting of that encounter still lingers. 

And it would. For Water Element folks, the “sting” can last a very long time. They tend to “lose their voice” and trust when they get hurt. At the extreme, they disengage or disappear from the relationship. As was the case for the professor. Even though she admits they regularly see each other at conferences, and she acknowledges that he’s probably “a very nice guy,” she never again felt the desire to “chat him up.” Imagine if they had just understood each other’s Elemental patterns, they could have been life long friends!

Understanding the Water Element in Human Life

The current image has no alternative text. The file name is: image-2.png

The Water Element: Deep and Powerful 

In winter life seems quiet and hidden. Bare tree branches are etched across the sky and layers of snow blanket the frozen ground. But deep beneath the surface, concealed in the cold, dark earth, transformation is happening as the seeds slowly begin to grow and strengthen, silently waiting for the coming of spring.

And like the small trickle of melting snow winding its way down the mountain slope, softly moving around obstacles and joining together with more droplets to create rivers that slowly carve and shape the earth, water is determined.

Powerful, deep, mysterious and persistent – this is the essence of the Water Element. In human life, these are the intuitive, courageous and adventurous people. They carry a deep inner wisdom and can be quite philosophical and innovative. And although they appear easy going, Water Element people have strong independent natures, and don’t easily share their thoughts or emotions with the outside world. In fact, they can be quite secretive.

Water people need a great deal of freedom and flexibility in life. It can be torture for them to be stuck in a 9 to 5 job wearing a suit every day. In fact, they would actually prefer to be working horizontally. Whether lounging on the sofa, bed or recliner, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s not sitting at a desk! 

One familiar pattern of Water Element people is their ability to push through difficult situations. They have tremendous courage and tenacity, but they can be challenged  by the emotion of fear. Water Energy is about the unknown. It’s a deep, dark mysterious world beneath the surface, and fear is alway about the unknown. Water people carry this essence within them and under stress they can withdraw or become overly cautious and unable to move forward or make decisions. At the extreme, they may even become afraid to communicate their feelings.

A peek into the Water Element Personality: 

Once, when I was on a plane traveling to North Carolina, I was seated next to a woman in her early 60’s. She’d noticed that I was reading a book about the Nine Star Ki, and as the plane started to land, her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked me about the book. After I gave her a brief description of the Ki and the Five Elements, she began to tell me her story. 

Her career required her to travel a lot and and she loved it, but she wanted to retire. When I asked her why she didn’t, she told me about her husband who had been out of work for quite some time, and how he had secretly taken most of the money out of her retirement fund and spent it. Of course, once she found out, she filed for divorce, but now she would have to work longer than she had planned to. As I do with almost everyone I meet, I asked for her birthdate and gave her a quick description of her energetic patterns and the yearly cycle she was in. But when I explained her husband’s patterns and his yearly cycle, well, she was kind of stunned. She was Wood Element, and he was Water Element. And sometimes Water Element people have the tendency to be very secretive under stress and only tell you what they think you need to know. And this is just what happened. He was secretly and slowly taking the money over time, and like water gradually leaking out of a swimming pool, he literally “drained” her bank account. He was also in a 9 Fire year, which is a year of illumination and if you are hiding something that you don’t want to be seen, it can more easily come to light.

Although we had limited time to delve into her situation, she was astonished by the accuracy of the Nine Star Ki and how it illuminated some of the challenges she faced with her husband.