As I stood there staring at the pillows on the couch, something was off. It doesn’t work. The colors all match, everything is perfectly placed, but it just isn’t right. It’s the wall color, I thought.
A sunny yellow hue that had been picked by someone else, and one that I never truly liked. It wasn’t the color I had wanted, but I couldn’t find the right shade, so I went with the suggestion given by a well meaning consultant from the local Benjamin Moore paint center. I tried to like it, I tried to make it work, pillows, blankets, accessories, but it never quite did. And after eleven years, I am still trying to fix it.
Stepping back to study how I could once again try and make this wall color work, I realized that it also happens to be the metaphor of my life. I am still trying “fix” something, so that I can fit into that perfectly shaped box, in order to to nicely blend in. Continually trying to adjust my life in order to make someone else’s version of the “who I should be” work. But like the pillows and accessories on the couch, something is just off.
Frustrated, I sat down and stared blankly at the couch, suddenly remembering that it was the anniversary of my Mother’s passing. And also, the fact that I happen to be in a challenging cycle of transformation, I started to reflect on what was truly important to me.
What are my values? It seems like such a simple question, really. However, not so easy for me to answer. I have spent so many years trying to shape myself into what I believed others needed me to be, that in some ways, my own identity got blended in. Now I have to dig deep to uncover and remember what really is important to me.
There are the usual suspects, of course; honesty, a sense of humor, family, friends, purpose (of which I have yet to define), education, boundaries. Boundaries? Wow, where did that one come from? I had never really thought of that as something I would put on my list of values, but there it was in all of its simplicity. Personal boundaries.
And yet, a highly functional one. Though boundaries help us to identify and enforce what is important to us, they are far from being about shuttering the outer word out. Instead, personal boundaries offer a mysterious effect, a peek at what lies just beyond reach. A sense of purpose, a place to flourish, the freedom to know ourselves.
But like a picket fence around an enchanting little cottage, boundaries protect our inner selves. They serve to defend us from the sometimes unnecessary or unwanted aggressions of life. Boundaries envelop us in a sense of safety, giving us a place to reset, quiet our minds or just simply rest.
Strong, yet beautiful personal boundaries also do something else, I thought. They give us the freedom to be ourselves, to develop and add warmth and character to our ever evolving stories. They are the guardrails that nourish our creativity and growth. They give us depth, sometimes even beckoning others to take a deeper look, beyond the superficial.
Personal boundaries give us the courage to step out of that perfectly shaped box, to not accept someone else’s version of the “who we should be,” even if it’s simply the paint color on our walls or the pillows we choose. They give us the freedom to be, the person we were meant to be.
Yeah, I think I will keep this one on the list.
Elemental Energies 