mental-health – Elemental Energies

Groundhog Day

Trying to clear some space in my bedroom nightstand, I found some old journals that I thought I could tuck away in a new spot. Out of curiosity, I found myself flipping through the pages and what I discovered brought me great amusement. Though in retrospect, it probably should have horrified me.

“Audrey, come here,” I called out to my daughter in the other room. “You are not going to believe this!”

Page after page of my journal entries all said the same thing. Literally, the exact same complaints and manifestations. Almost in the exact same language. Continually over and over again. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day.

Okay, maybe that would not have been so bad if it had been in the last year or two, but these journals were written almost two decades, three states and three houses ago! Seriously, the exact same request and grievances. It didn’t matter if I was reading about life in New Jersey, New Mexico or Massachusetts. Same, same, same.

July 2011 – We never have anything to do on the 4th of July

August 2014 – We don’t have any friends

April 2009 – The neighbors are annoying, they are just trying to use us

September 2009 – I want to get a job in interior design and become a real estate agent

September 2009 – I want to start doing some Nine Star Ki readings

January 2008 through present – I don’t know what my purpose is

I could not help but laugh out loud! “Oh My God! This sounds like what I was just complaining about yesterday,” I said to my daughter, through fits of laughter.

“I think you may have an inaction problem,” she dryly responded

“I think you might be right!” I said, while pondering what a little smarty pants she has become at the ripe old age of twenty. “Let’s not tell your father about this one,” I suggested, as I tucked the journals away in the desk drawer. “He already complains that I am always talking about the same things.”

‘What are the stories you tell yourself?’, is what they always ask on my favorite psychology podcasts. And apparently, I am narrating the same ones over and over! But why? After a little reflection, though, I do have some theories.

When I started journaling those entries, I was going through a lot of stress. We were relocating from our home in New Jersey, where I had spent most of my life, because of my husbands new career. We were leaving behind friends and family to move cross-country to New Mexico, and then again a couple of years later to Massachusetts. So yeah, there was a little bit of stress and anxiety going on there.

Sometimes when we are going through a lot of stress or even depression, we get stuck in a rut, or as psychologist and neuroscientist Norman Farb says, we create a sort of mental default map. Though it helps us navigate stressful events by putting us on autopilot as we are moving through them, it can take over and suppress the sensory part of the brain. In other words, no new information can get through.

And if no new information is getting through, then there is nothing to breakup the stories we are telling ourselves, and replaying over and over in our heads. “We need to break the script and rediscover the path forward,” as Dr. Farb says. Sounds good, but how do we do that? Because I kind of want to get out of this mental loop! Mkay?

Fortunately, there are a few ways to try and reset the sensory part of our brains, such as check in with ourselves more, and pay attention to the rumination and negative thoughts that are replaying. The more you rerun the narrative, the more you relive the story. The more you say the neighbors are annoying the more annoying the neighbors become… for the next twenty years! That’s a bit long mate! It may be time to edit the story.

Instead, pay attention to what is going on in your life today, right now. When you are spiraling with rumination and negative thoughts, try to reconnect with the sensory part of the brain. Like how the cold bathroom tiles feel on your feet in the morning or the late afternoon sun on your face. Or how it feels when you are connecting with another person. This is a big one, because often, negative thoughts and rumination can cause us to disconnect from other people. Which can keep us stuck in the mental default map, and we all want to feel loved and accepted.

As for me, I am going to examine those repetitive thoughts and think about what is true and what needs to be rewritten.

We don’t do anything on the 4th of July – But we did do something on the 3rd of July

I’m pretty sure we have friends – (I just can’t find them, they must be hiding)

The neighbors aren’t so annoying – they sometimes even bring us good food

I don’t want to be a real estate agent – I’d rather write my blog instead

I’ve done tons of Nine Star Ki readings – I’ve just never been paid (but I’ve also never asked)

My purpose, ehh… well I’m still working on that one!

And as my acupuncturist always says when I am stuck in rumination a bit too much, “no new information is coming in, work on something else for a while.”

No Yelling, Please!

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I love Lindsay Gibson. Anytime I get to listen to a guest interview with her, I jump at the chance. She is a clinical psychologist and author of several books on emotional immaturity, including her bestseller, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. This time, though, Lindsey was talking about her new book – How To Raise An Emotionally Mature Child. And as usual, she did not disappoint!

However, even though I really resonate with her thoughtful commentary and wise advise on emotional immaturity, there was one little sticking point that caught my attention during this interview. And I wasn’t the only one. All in the Mind podcast presenter, Sana Qadar struggled with it too. In fact, she admitted that it made her a little angry. Because, she’s done it, I know I’ve done it, and I am pretty sure everyone else has done it too.

In her new book, Lindsay lists several basic mindsets that contribute to raising an emotionally healthy child. Such as, your child has their own unique personality, emotional needs and their behavior is the way they are communicating those needs. All reasonably valid points, to which most parents would agree.

Then there are the absolutes. Behaviors that parents should absolutely avoid in order to help build emotional maturity in their children. Go with guidance rather that punishment. No hitting. Don’t berate or humiliate your child, to name a few, but then comes “Yelling is for emergencies only” – “wait, WHAT!” Sana exclaimed, “that one made me a little angry.”

Me too, not angry, exactly but shaking my head. Define emergency, Lindsay. Because when you are trying to get out of the house for an appointment and your kid is drawing all over your brick fireplace with crayons, or when your husband leaves the paint roller in the sink and your 17 month old grabs it and starts painting the floor of your new house in Benjamin Moore revere pewter, Yelling Happens! Just saying.

Does yelling mean we have failed as parents or at the very least, we’re doing parenting all wrong? Sure we should avoid it, but in those stressful moments, emotional regulation kind of goes out the window! But in her defense, Lindsay did say that we’ve all done it.

And we have definitely evolved. As Lindsay reminds us, past generations of the 40’s and 50’s were mainly concentrating on being properly authoritative for their children and just keeping a roof over their heads. Their emotional needs were certainly not being considered as much. Back then, everyone spanked and yelled at their kids. But there was also a lot of love and kindness in most of those families as well.

Even in the mid 60’s and early 70’s it was common to hit your kids. And not only was it the cultural norm but parents did it with what ever they could find, a wooden spoon from the kitchen drawer, or maybe a spatula. In fact, some folks even bought wooden paddle balls and let their kids play with them until the string broke, and then would use it for a spanking paddle. Think about that one for a minute or two. I just wonder what Lindsay would have to say about it now!

Of course, it was the 60’s after all, and no one really thought too much about it, because it was the cultural standard of the time. Most of those people were good, kind and loving parents. They were just following the norm, which thankfully, is no longer the norm. If fact, it was probably that generation of kids who changed the rules!

But yelling? …. Ehhh, I’m still having a bit of trouble with that one. I mean, I get that we shouldn’t do it, but in the heat of the moment it’s probably going to happen. And if it does get to that point, perhaps we should reflect on how we can do things differently. As Sana Qadar said, “I did go home and game plan: what else could I do in the morning?” And as annoying and unrealistic as she thought the advice was, thinking more deeply about what she could do otherwise, did work.

I do have a question for Lindsay, though. Do those same rules apply for spouses? Because if so, I have done a terrible job at raising mine! Maybe be your next book could be on how to raise an emotionally mature partner!

The Goal Is To Become

“It was so overwhelming,” I sighed, to my friend Maria on the phone, as I recounted my recent trip to my daughter’s newly leased campus apartment. “The bathroom looked like it hadn’t seen a sponge or a bottle of Fantastik in years!”

“That does sounds a bit daunting,” Maria agreed, “How long did it take to scrub it all down?”
“Hours!” I groaned. “It was such a big task that I could only focus on one piece of the job at a time.”

“I feel the same way about my goals,” Maria mused. “It sometimes feels like I am never going to be able to achieve them.” I agreed, as I thought about how may times I start out excited about a new project, only to let it fizzle out halfway through.

I like to think of my goals as the stars of the show, the end point I want to get to. They’re always so bright and sparkly… and very far away. But what I have learned over time is that goals are not a singular thing, they are a part of a process. And all the steps in-between are a set of processes that lead to the final outcome.

Those steps in-between are where the real magic happens, where our stories begin to unfold and take shape. And like a beautiful garden, they take time to cultivate and need to be pruned along the way. Which means that as much as I want to get to that end point, they simply can not be rushed.

Often, I find that if I am struggling with those steps, some questions start to emerge. Author and podcaster, Forrest Hanson, suggests “focusing on the real end goal that you’re trying to reach. What is your why?” Because sometimes we may find that we did not write it for ourselves or that our expectations are unclear. Do you really want to wake up early to train for that that 5k run with your friend, or would you rather go for a morning walk with them instead?

It can be daunting when our goals seem unrealistic or too far out of reach. Those are the ones that need to be reassessed and pruned. Perhaps it’s better to focus on smaller targets, like starting with a blog instead of writing a novel! It can be difficult to let go of a dream, but refining it keeps it within reach.

Sometimes the goal is just to push through as fast as possible, like cleaning the bathroom in my daughters new apartment. I intensely wanted to get it done. But I have learned to be consistent rather than intense. Passion burns out, consistency remains. I may not have been thrilled, but as I steadily continued to clean, I felt energized as each small task was complete. Gradually, what seemed like an insurmountable goal, began to feel obtainable.

And yeah, some goals are going to fail, we’re not going to cross every finish line. But those are the ones that usually teach us valuable lessons. The ones that shape us and become part of our ever evolving story.

But no matter how much we prune and refine, if we don’t create an environment to thrive, we probably won’t succeed. Because it will take discipline, consistency, joy and strength. And above all else, community.

As author and keynote speaker, James Clear once said, “The goal is not to finish the painting, the goal is to become an artist.” And the in-between steps are the becoming. Where life is lived and our stories unfold. Because that’s where the real magic happens.

A Case For The Ordinary Mess

Sighing with exasperation, I stare down at the mess of papers at the end of the kitchen counter. I just cannot seem to make them go away. Supposedly, I have done the work. I’ve read books by the experts, done clearings, given things a home, tried to change my habits and even got a cute basket to gather the papers in. Still, the mess comes back. Why?

I am well aware of the downside of clutter. A messy desk equals poor concentration, and a lack of focus. An untidy pile of laundry in the bedroom can cause sleep disruption or anxiety. And constantly starting at disorder in our environment can be a real downer, and maybe even lead to moodiness or depression. So yeah, there is definitely a lot of reasons why the disheveled disarray is bad for us.

But is it really ALL bad? I mean, everything has an upside, right? Having a lot of stuff that you love doesn’t automatically make it clutter. Clutter is when the “stuff” loses its end goal and just starts taking over the place. I’ve been in spaces like that and there is a real sense of heaviness and confusion. Everything just seems to be screaming out for attention. And that can be an unhealthy drag on our energy.

Clutter also embeds a series of decisions we do not wish to make. Because every decision also comes with a loss, and clutter can be a comfort in not addressing those decisions. Like old photos and memories of the past, it can feel like a piece of our story that we are permanently clearing away.

Nevertheless, after doing a little research about the mayhem, there does appear to be some practical advantages. Turns out, clutter can actually encourage inspiration and creativity. For instance, have you ever noticed a college professor’s desk? It is usually pilled high with papers and books. Or your favorite home chef’s kitchen in the process of making an amazing meal? Even an artist’s studio? The very process of creation is, well, rather messy.

Clutter can even give us pause and remind us that we have enough. It serves as a potent visual reminder to be more aware of our consumption, and mindful of our purchases. Or it can be an optical nudge to complete necessary tasks, such as running shoes left out in a corner to encourage us to exercise more.

We can even turn that mess into a financial gain by selling what is no longer useful, needed or loved. And as we sort through it all, we give ourselves the gift of an emotional release and closure as we let go of what is no longer relevant, providing someone else the opportunity to give our old stuff new love.

All good things, for sure. But the Bottom line is clutter happens, it is just part of life. There is no way I am going to be able to keep the end of my kitchen counter free of papers. The best I can do is to store them neatly in that cute little basket and give them a weekly sort. Because as author and former radio speaker Earl Nightingale once said, “Successful people are not people without problems. They are people who know or learn how to solve their problems.”

And I’d like to use my artistic license to add, “Nor are they people without clutter, they are just folks who’ve learned how to manage it better!”

Coming soon: Megan and I will be resuming our “Let’s keep going” podcast! Stay tuned for more fun discussions on these topics and what we’ve been up to.

Understanding Our Energetic Roadmap

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For many people, the new year begins in January, with fresh expectations and newly minted goals in hand. But for me, February is when I start to think about the year ahead. And it’s not so much about the goals or achievements that I am pondering, but rather the questions I will ask of the coming year.

Because in the astrological system of 9 Star Ki, February 4th begins the shift. And with it comes distinctively new energetic patterns and “homework,” for each year. I have found it to be a valuable and interesting way to look back at the year that has just ended and gain insight into the year that is emerging. It helps us to decide if it’s the best time to push forward or to rest and reflect. Sometimes with jaw dropping accuracy, and at other times, with a simple shrug and a “yeah, that happened.”

And in 2025, I was in one of those quiet reflective years. It is called a year of “transformation,” but to me it felt more like being stuck in the mud. Thick mud, the kind your boots get stuck in on an early spring day, when the snow starts to melt. Moving forward was an enormous effort and nothing seemed clear. Communication can be difficult in a year like this, and little details can be missed. And even though I knew this going in, it still happened.

In September, while attending a one time blogging class, I was discussing my work with the 9 Star Ki, when couple of interested classmates asked me for my website information. Later, as I was recounting the events of the evening to my husband, he looked at me with mild irritation and replied, “you gave them the wrong website name!” And sure enough, I had. Those pesky little “details!”

However, even though 9 Star Ki is a remarkable way to understand our energetic patterns and yearly cycles, it is not a fortune cookie or an immutable predictor of fate. We still have to do the work. Essentially, it is a tool that shows us our energetic “weather” for the year.

But precisely because it is so accurate, it can be tempting to rely on it a bit too much, and instead treat it as a way of life. The same can be true of Feng Shui, Western Astrology or any of the instruments we use to help us navigate our journey in life. When I first started studying this system, I did just that.

In late winter of 2011, my husband started a new career path that required our family to relocate from New Jersey to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Though I knew the move would be stressful, I was more amazed at the accuracy of the energetic pattern, than surprised. I had just entered a season of rapid growth and change, and I figured why not? Let’s just go for it, and so we did.

Of course, as with any move, especially a major one, there were challenges. But when the dust settled, we started to make friends and form a new community. However, in the spring of 2013, when my husband had entered into the same cycle of change that I had been in two years prior, his company abruptly moved his entire group back east.

The challenge, besides the fact that we were facing yet another cross country move, was that I wasn’t in a year of change. In fact, I was in an “eye of the hurricane,” as Jean Haner, the author of Your Hidden Symmetry, calls it. And the advice for the year is to stay put!

I panicked. “What am I to do?” I pleaded with my 9 Star Ki teacher, “I can’t move, it’s the wrong year!” Though she did not seem too concerned, because it was the “eye of the hurricane” after all, and her advice was simple. “Just don’t take the lead, let your husband handle the big details,” she replied. “Give yourself some extra time and expect that there might be some complications.”

Well, not only didn’t I take the lead, I completely gave it to my husband (which is not what she told me to do, by the way). I followed the script for the year a little too closely and ended up giving myself a lot of complication. Complications that lasted years, because not only was he in a year of change, but he was also in a year where he could be impulsive. And he impulsively bought a house… without me. As you might imagine, this did not go well for either of us!

The point is, I wasn’t supposed to give my power up because a 9 Star Ki yearly cycle advised not to move. Life happens. What I was supposed to do is expect that there might be some extra challenges. Instead, I took it too literally and got a house and a community that wasn’t the best fit. And as my wise Five Element acupuncturist always reminds me, “it is meant to be a tool, not a way of life.”

And that is exactly I how I approach the 9 Star Ki energetic cycles now. With wonder and curiosity. A way to look back, reflect, and gain some insight, and maybe even do a little yearly homework. But mostly as a valuable roadmap on my journey through time.

The Freedom To Be

As I stood there staring at the pillows on the couch, something was off. It doesn’t work. The colors all match, everything is perfectly placed, but it just isn’t right. It’s the wall color, I thought.

A sunny yellow hue that had been picked by someone else, and one that I never truly liked. It wasn’t the color I had wanted, but I couldn’t find the right shade, so I went with the suggestion given by a well meaning consultant from the local Benjamin Moore paint center. I tried to like it, I tried to make it work, pillows, blankets, accessories, but it never quite did. And after eleven years, I am still trying to fix it.

Stepping back to study how I could once again try and make this wall color work, I realized that it also happens to be the metaphor of my life. I am still trying “fix” something, so that I can fit into that perfectly shaped box, in order to to nicely blend in. Continually trying to adjust my life in order to make someone else’s version of the “who I should be” work. But like the pillows and accessories on the couch, something is just off.

Frustrated, I sat down and stared blankly at the couch, suddenly remembering that it was the anniversary of my Mother’s passing. And also, the fact that I happen to be in a challenging cycle of transformation, I started to reflect on what was truly important to me.

What are my values? It seems like such a simple question, really. However, not so easy for me to answer. I have spent so many years trying to shape myself into what I believed others needed me to be, that in some ways, my own identity got blended in. Now I have to dig deep to uncover and remember what really is important to me.

There are the usual suspects, of course; honesty, a sense of humor, family, friends, purpose (of which I have yet to define), education, boundaries. Boundaries? Wow, where did that one come from? I had never really thought of that as something I would put on my list of values, but there it was in all of its simplicity. Personal boundaries.

And yet, a highly functional one. Though boundaries help us to identify and enforce what is important to us, they are far from being about shuttering the outer word out. Instead, personal boundaries offer a mysterious effect, a peek at what lies just beyond reach. A sense of purpose, a place to flourish, the freedom to know ourselves.

But like a picket fence around an enchanting little cottage, boundaries protect our inner selves. They serve to defend us from the sometimes unnecessary or unwanted aggressions of life. Boundaries envelop us in a sense of safety, giving us a place to reset, quiet our minds or just simply rest.

Strong, yet beautiful personal boundaries also do something else, I thought. They give us the freedom to be ourselves, to develop and add warmth and character to our ever evolving stories. They are the guardrails that nourish our creativity and growth. They give us depth, sometimes even beckoning others to take a deeper look, beyond the superficial.

Personal boundaries give us the courage to step out of that perfectly shaped box, to not accept someone else’s version of the “who we should be,” even if it’s simply the paint color on our walls or the pillows we choose. They give us the freedom to be, the person we were meant to be.

Yeah, I think I will keep this one on the list.

Uncovering The “Covering”

“Covering,” a word forged by the work of Sociologist Ervin Goffman and later refined by Kenji Yoshino, a Legal Scholar at New York University. It means in essence: “to downplay or hide one’s true identity, beliefs or characteristics to conform to the norms of society.”

I first heard this term when I was listening to a recent episode of the Hidden Brain podcast in which, the guest Kenji Yoshino, spoke about what happens when we try to pretend to be someone that we are not, in order to fit in. This topic is interesting to me, because the work that I have done for the last sixteen years is about uncovering one’s hidden strengths and challenges in order to step more fully into our authentic selves.

Ironically, my work primarily centers around the principles of The Nine Star Ki, a Japanese system of understanding our personal Ki or energy. A concept of energy that is imprinted on us the day we are born, and continues to influence us throughout our lives. Interestingly, Kenji is an American of Japanese decent, and I could not help but wonder if he was familiar with this system.

As Kenji explains, most of us hide an aspect of ourselves that we don’t think other people would understand or accept, so we cover in order to fit in. I can certainly relate to this. I have been happily married for over twenty years, and no one has every suspected that there is an age difference between me and my husband, but there is. At times, I have felt the need to hide the fact that I married later in life, I’m older than my husband and had my daughter in my mid forties. Mostly out of a fear that I would not be accepted, or worse, that it would affect the acceptance of my daughter or husband.

I am often asked why I am so passionate about the ancient art of Nine Star Ki (astrology), and it is specifically because I find it to be such a valuable and amazing tool that we can use throughout our lives to help us “uncover” and rebalance our sometimes forgotten inner energetic patters. Like a roadmap that has been imprinted with our unique energetic signature. And one that we can turn to, all through our lives to help navigate our path, better understand our gifts and challenges, achieve goals, or give us the potential for more harmonious relationships.

I have spent many years studying and practicing the Nine Star Ki, precisely because I have had struggles around showing up authentically more than once in my life. This ancient, simplistically refined and profoundly accurate system of understanding one’s personality is, in my opinion, sometimes more accurate than many of the personality assessment that I have taken over the years. Myers-Briggs and Strong included. Of course, I have a lot of regard for those assessments. They are very detailed and valid too, but Nine Star Ki is definitely my go to, over and over again. And it never disappoints.

Often, when I am listening to a podcast or reading an article where someone is discussing a topic I resonate with, such as with Kenji’s interview on Hidden Brain, I make a point of trying to discover their energetic patterns and the cycle of time they happen to be moving through. What I usually find is that their pattern almost always match with their life circumstance and/or purpose. Which to me is fascinating, because most, if not all, have no knowledge of the Nine Star Ki and are quite organically aligned with their inner design. This is encouraging, because it suggests that most of us are never really as far off course as we sometimes believe we are.

Kenji is no exception. As I listened to him tell his story, I began see his inner patterns weaving together. How his fear of judgement initially blocked him from being able to step into his own authenticity, and why it became so important for him to be a leading force in helping others recognize the ways in which they may be consciously or unconsciously covering too. Kenji has the potential to be very influential in his field of work and the ability to be a strong champion in guiding others to align with their own inner truths.

Because it’s not about covering what’s wrong with our stories, but instead uncovering what is right.

If you are interested in learning more about “covering” and Kenji Yoshino’s story I am including the link to the Hidden Brain podcast – Dropping The Mask – https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/dropping-the-mask/

And

For more information about the Nine Star Ki, I highly recommend the book “Your Hidden Symmetry,” by Jean Haner.

Finding Meaning as a Stay-at-Home Mom

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Every morning, as I pour my morning coffee, I reach up and grab a small notecard that I keep hidden within my coffee mugs. On it, I’ve scribbled six important questions to ask myself before going about my daily tasks. One of those questions is, “Did I do my best to find meaning in my work, or in my life?” I had learned about these daily queries from one of the many inspirational podcasts that I listen to. But today, for whatever reason, it occurred to me that I have been doing it backwards.

I realized the questions are supposed to be asked before going to bed at night, not in the morning. They are meant to call attention to how we have moved throughout our day. Did I do my best to be fully present, achieve my goals (to be honest, did I even set goals), to be happy (happy, what’s that), and to be fully engaged (definitely a challenge)?

But when I ask those same questions in the morning, a funny thing happens. Rather than reflecting back on my day, I am sort of chasing after the answers. Because instead of finding meaning in the work I do, I spend my days looking for meaningful work to do.

Although there is nothing wrong with looking for something worthwhile to do, the problem is, I don’t think the work I am doing has much relevance. And nothing brought this point into sharper focus, than during my French conversation class.

We had been learning how to pronounce different professions in French, and our instructor asked us each to practice saying what our occupations were. As soon as she said it, I panicked. Oh no, I thought. She is going to ask me what I do for a living and I don’t have anything to say. I’m just a stat-at-home mom, and I’m not even that anymore because my daughter is now in college.

One by one, I listened as my classmates answered: an accountant, a computer programer a retired lawyer. When she got to me, I felt the slow flush of redness on my cheeks. “I guess you could say I’m a retired say-at-home mom,” I murmured, “because my daughter is away in college.” “It’s okay, you can say you’re a housewife,” my instructor cheerfully replied. Une femme au foyer, she announced to the class. And although the French do seem to have a way of making even the most mundane sound impressive, my heart just sank into my stomach.

I have trouble finding meaning in the ordinary stuff I do all day. Yes, it helps people, mainly my family, but it doesn’t feel like it is important enough of a contribution. I remember decades ago having lunch with a friend when our daughters were still in strollers, and I was rambling on and on about how I wanted to do something more with my life. She sternly looked over at me and flatly replied “why can’t you just accept that you’re a stay-at-home mom.”

Because the truth is, I am always trying to find meaning two stories up from where I am standing right now. But I am never going to find it there. Until I can learn to embrace the purpose in my everyday life, in the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, not the lofty goals and glamorous life I dream about, but the everyday life of an ordinary housewife, “une femme au foyer,” nothing else will matter. There is always a starting point, and maybe that starting point is accepting that what I am doing now is enough.

And maybe what I do is in fact more meaningful than I give myself credit for: keeping a household running smoothly, cooking good meals to keep my family and myself healthy, making sure bills get paid in time, making our home a peaceful and inspiring heaven…Maybe I enable good things to happen and that is good enough for us.

So instead of looking two stories up I’ll try to ground myself where I am standing right now. And rather than searching for that one meaningful role, I’ll remind myself to place value on the little choices and actions I make throughout the day, no matter how ordinary or mundane they sometimes feel.

And in the meantime, I’ll focus on energize the Knowledge and Self Cultivation area of the bagua, and while I’m at it, I might just place a couple pieces of rose quartz in theRelationship section too (aka the symbolic “Mother” domain in Feng Shui), after all, she is the Divine “Femme au foyer,” of the bagua map!

Stuck In The Muddy Mess Of Transformation

As I unpacked my new hairdryer and removed it from the box, I excitedly said to my husband, “oh my gosh, I love it! It’s teal.” I hadn’t paid much attention to the color when I ordered it, I just wanted that particular model. It is fascinating how this color keeps showing up in my life though, because it also happens to be one of the accent colors we chose for the refresh design in our bedroom and bathroom.

Interestingly, teal, green and light blue are the colors associated with the Wood Element in Feng Shui. Wood energy is symbolic of spring and new beginnings. It is also pretty good at breaking up the sometimes stuck energy of Earth. Curiously, those are precisely the colors that I seem to be drawing in. The synchronicity is spot on, because lately, I have been feeling completely stuck and rudderless, hopelessly in need of a change.

Somedays, it feels like the only meaningful work I do is making sure everyone has their laundry in the hamper by Friday, or having dinner on the table by six. Necessary, but not exactly groundbreaking work. Even getting out of the house to go to the mailbox can seem like a chore.

I happen to be going through a cycle of time the ancient Chinese referred to as, a year of transformation. In a year like this things can really become unclear, like staring down into a puddle of muddy water. And as if that is not difficult enough, it also happens to be colliding with that fact that I have just become an empty nester.

Though I have been studying this system for many years, and I know these cycles well, this one feels particularly challenging. It is like being in the middle of the ocean with no new land on the horizon. We have all been through it, those moments in life when we reach the end of something, a job, a relationship, kids going off to college, retirement, a milestone birthday. But those periods in the middle of uncertainty can seem quite expansive, between the end of one goal or phase in life, and the beginning of the next.

As much as I want to breakout of this stuck place I find myself in, I also know there is no way around it. Even though I would like nothing better than to sit down at the kitchen table on a Sunday afternoon with a cup of coffee, and just figure it all out, that is not going to happen.

So how do we keep moving when we find ourselves stuck, floating in the sea of uncertainty, unable to see where we are going? One way is to bring a little Wood Element in to break up the stuckness and get moving again.

We can introduce Wood’s energy into our spaces symbolically with color, plants or shapes, but we can also usher it in with action. Wood Element is all about action – beginning, middle, end – move on. And as is the case with Wood energy, continually seeking out new goals to pursue, we also may not just have one destination to follow. Instead of asking ourselves how to figure out what that one best solution or way out of stuckness is, maybe we should try coming up with three different scenarios (which coincidently, is also the number that represents Wood Element).

Although trying different things may seem obvious, when we can’t see where we are going and nothing is very clear, we need something to work on to bring us closer to that end goal. Breaking things down to create tiny little goal helps lift our spirits and brings us one step closer, and even just one step closer to that final goal, is an achievement when we are lingering in the middle.

But what if we have no idea where we want to go, or there is no final direction on the horizon, as is the case with me? That’s okay, it’s a call to action. Sometimes we are meant to slow down and reevaluate our life’s path. There always comes a point in time when we plateau, just as with an athlete or an artist, our muscles get used to the way we are performing. We get into a rut and we lose a little bit of our creativity in the process. At those moments in time, it can be good to just set it down, walk away and try something completely unrelated and different. And slowly, as the land starts to surface on the horizon again, we gain renewed enthusiasm and momentum.

But for now, I’ve just got to sit with my thoughts and let this transformation of life take root. And as my Chinese acupuncturist wisely says when I ruminate on a problem for too long, “no new Information is coming in, work on something else for a while.”