fiction – Elemental Energies

Holiday Elemental Emotions – Naughty or Nice?

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Ah, the holiday season is upon us and with it comes all the joys, or rather, challenges of the grumpier side of the Five Elements.

One of the most useful parts of my studies in Nine Star Ki, has been being able to navigate the holidays and those sometimes (let’s be real – most of the time) challenging personalities of family. It has been such a great tool for me in learning how not to take things too personally.

Because there is always that sibling who has a blowup every year, the critical aunt who nitpicks every detail or the nosy brother in-law who asks too many questions. And none of us are the best version of ourselves under stress and the season’s festivities can sometimes wake up the peppery side of our emotional patterns.

So, I thought I would make a list of the “naughty and nice” attributes of each of the Five Element during the holiday season. Feel free to use this as a guide at your own holiday gatherings with friends and family. Maybe even having a little fun with it, to see if you can tell which Element is being nice or naughty!

Wood Element folks are the creative, optimistic go getter people. “Beginning, middle, end, move on,” is their motto. They definitely get things done. But under pressure or feeling blocked, the emotional nature of Wood can snap and become easily frustrated, impatient or at the extreme, angry. However, like a loud clap of thunder, their outbursts usually pass quickly. And while the rest of us non Wood Element people try and settle our nerves, they can easily bounce back to their optimistic selves, and wonder why everyone else is so upset.

Fire Element people are lovable, warm and charming. They are animated and humorous, always cracking little jokes to lighten the mood. Truly the life of the party. But on the emotional side, when they get overexcited, anxious or feel rejected there can be big drama! Usually resulting in tears but at the extreme a dramatic explosion of emotion!

Such as a display of dinner roll fireworks flying through the air. This is what happened to a very Fire Element colleague of mine and her Wood Element husband, at an Easter dinner hosted at their house. As tensions got “hot” in the kitchen, she and her husband started pelting each other with fresh out of the oven dinner rolls, as their startled guests and her horrified mother looked on. Though, their guests took it in stride, even laughing about it later, her mother was not amused. Needless to say, future gathering were moved to her more grounded brother’s house.

And that brings us to Earth Element people. These folks are nurturing, calm and grounding. They are the givers, the incredibly kind, caring and reliable people. They have a strong sense of connection to others and community and you will often find them at the center of activity with family and friends. But this same quality can cause them to drain themselves by over giving and not ask for help when they need it, which can cause them to feel like a victim, or at the extreme, become resentful. When this happens, they can stop giving. They ofter to bring the casserole or shop for the gifts, but then they turn up empty handed.

My friend Margaret’s brother is a very Earthy guy, and he had stared to become drained from over extending himself. But as usual, he generously offered to pick her family up from the airport, when they returned from vacation. However, on the day of their flight home, as they were in route to the airport, he called to say he was tired and couldn’t make it, and told her to rent a car instead.

Metal Element folks are the visionaries. They are highly sensitive and adept at creating beauty and value out of the simplicity of the mundane. They have impeccable manners, notice every detail, and graciously adjust their energy to those around them. However, because they are so attuned to others energy and their surroundings, they can become moody and anxious. When this happens, they become overly sensitive to criticism, sharp with their words, or slip into denial. As in, “if we just don’t look at the elephant in the room, it isn’t there.”

My best friend from college had a very metal nature, and one night when we were on our way to meet up with friends, the muffler fell of her car. We heard a loud noise and saw sparks flying in the rearview mirror, and passerby’s were honking their horns trying to alert us to the dragging muffler. When I advised her that we should probably pull off to the side of the road, she just look at me and replied, “it’s fine, just turn up the radio and we won’t hear it anymore.”

And last but not least, we wind our way down to Water Element people. These are the innovators and adventurers. Powerful, deep, mysterious and intuitive. They carry a deep sense of wisdom. And although they appear easy going, Water Element people have strong independent natures and don’t easily share their thoughts or emotions with the outside world. In fact, under stress, they can become fearful or loose their voices. At the extreme, they can become paranoid or have the tendency to be quite secretive. Only telling you what they think you need to know.

The business manager at my husband’s former company had a lot of Water Element personality traits. He once cleverly opened some of his colleagues greeting cards at the annual holiday party, and used the gift cards inside to pay for a few rounds of drinks. He then secretly put the used gift cards back! Imagine the shock when those employees opened their greeting cards only to find a spent holiday bonus inside! (My husband was one of those employees.) Though he eventually, and quietly, left replacement cards on each of their desks a few weeks later… without any explanation.

So now, when I gather with my family and friends to celebrate the holidays, I find a nice comfortable chair and settle in to enjoy the season’s festivities. As I sip my glass of chardonnay and munch on a few hors d’oeuvres, I watch to see which of the Five Elements are going to be naughty or nice!

Wishing you all a joyful Holiday Season and a Happy New Year! See you in January!

The Power Of Being Seen

“I don’t want to go,” I bluntly responded to my husband as I climbed into the car. “Why not? It could be fun,” he cheerfully replied, as he backed the car out of the driveway. “There will probably be some good food, and who knows, we might even meet some interesting new people. “You only think with your stomach,” I retorted. “If there is food, game over. You’re in! Besides, we barely know the hosts and it feels awkward to be included in a friend group we aren’t even part of.”

I stared out the window as we wove through the neighborhood streets, just wishing the whole night to be over. All I wanted in that moment, was to be curled up in front of the fire with a good book and a glass of wine. “You could at least try to be a little more adventurous,” my husband encouraged. I had tried, for many years, but after more than a decade of little success chipping away at the sometimes frosty New England welcome, I just didn’t feel like making an effort anymore. “Friends are overrated,” I replied, “And anyway, I’ve got you and my books.” “Yeah, but my ears get tired,” he teased.

As usual, we were the first to arrive. “Can’t we just drive around the block a few times to see who else pulls up?” I pleaded. But after indulging me only one circle, we parked the car and made our way up the long driveway to the front door. Warmly greeted by the hosts, we exchanged hugs, and I presented them with the pretty pink tulip plant that we had purchased, as a thank you gift for inviting us. After offering us some drinks, we were ushered into the family room where we made polite conversation, while waiting for their other guests to arrive.

Slowly, couple by couple, in what seemed like an order of seniority, they began to arrive. We were graciously introduced, and it was all very pleasant, but it seemed slightly awkward. We were not part of this close-knit group, and though the conversation was interesting and cordial, it felt a bit forced. We were intruding on a long standing friendship and everyone in the room felt it. Ages ago, when we lived in New Jersey, we had our own group of friends with years of shared memories, so we knew what it was like when someone new was brought in. Now we were those people.

After a couple of hours of drinks, hors d’oeuvres and socially polite conversation, I was ready to leave. Much to my husbands disappoint, I made my way to the kitchen to thank our hosts for a lovely evening and say our farewells. Just as I was about to offer my appreciation for having been invited, the doorbell rang, and our host excused herself to welcome the newcomers.

But then something unexpected happened. And that changed everything!

I quietly waited in the kitchen as our host went to greet the latest arrivals. When she returned to the kitchen, she introduced us, and as I reached out to shake hands, Jen suddenly exclaimed, “I know you!” “You know me?” I said, looking intently at her face, while frantically searching my memory for any sign of recognition. “Yes, It’s Jen from tennis, remember?” “Rory and Audi took lessons together at Stony Brook,” she replied, looking slightly surprised at my lack of recollection.

Fortunately, as Jen recounted the details, the memory of our encounters years earlier over our kiddos tennis lessons, flooded back. I felt a wave of relief and immediately started to relax. Maybe this night won’t be so bad after all, I thought. Because a few hours earlier, I had not been so sure. Surprisingly, the other guests began to feel more comfortable too, because suddenly, we were not such strangers anymore.

The party became an uplifting moment for me. I ended up meeting some new potential friends, deepening my relationship with the hosts and reconnecting with my old acquaintance. Better yet, my husband got to stay longer and eat more food, which is always his favorite part. Of course, all the way home he could not resist reminding me that he was right, and that I did end up having fun after all.

Then he asked me an odd question, “What did you and Jen talk about durning those tennis lessons?” “I don’t know, it was a long time ago” I said.” She was from Hong Kong and her husband was from India. We talked about what it was like to move to a new country, be married to a person from another country and how it can sometime be difficult, especially, when you are raising children. Things like that,” I reflected. “Because we have a similar situation and it can be very challenging at times.” “That’s interesting,” he said. “When we first moved here, and you really needed a friend to talk to, maybe she did also. Perhaps Jen felt seen by you, and all these years later, she returned the favor. Tonight, she saw you.”

Well, I don’t know about that, as my mother always said whenever she heard something questionable, but it sure did feel nice to be seen.

Sometimes it takes years to realize the impact that we’ve had on another person. Both positive and negative. This story continues to remind me of how important it is to stay fully present when I am engaged with others. Because we all have the need to be seen.

Other People’s Stories

Personal stories of simple changes that are as unique and inspiring as the people who created them. I have a great appreciation for the everyday stories of friends and family and their journeys to create change.

A “CASE” FOR BOOKS

Many years ago when I lived in Albuquerque, I had a very Earthy and Water element friend who had such a love for books. Her Earth Element nature loved to “collect” things and one of the ways that showed up in her Water element was in the choice of what she was collecting. Water Element people like to surround themselves with deep wisdom and sometimes that can show up as clutter around books and papers.

Katie was constantly buying books, more books than she actually had room for. On any given weekend you could find her at the local bookstore pouring over the latest self-help books. Always buying at least one to bring home to add to the pile she had strewn across the floor of her bedroom. She loved nothing more than sitting in bed on Saturday mornings sipping her coffee and reading her books and magazines.

Once when I was visiting at her home, I mentioned that the books scattered all over the floor of her bedroom was not good Feng Shui.” “Oh I don’t believe in that,” Katie replied, “it’s a lot of woo woo stuff.” But I pointed out that even from a practical standpoint, all that clutter around her bed was not good, because among other things, there was a lot of stuck energy going on, and that could really drag her own energy down.

“I don’t care,” she said, “I love books, I love to look at them, I love to touch them, I love to have them around me. And on Saturday mornings I don’t want to run all over the house looking for my books! I just wanted to grab my cup of coffee, reach down and pick up a book or magazine. Though I could see her point, this situations was far from ideal. Still, Katie wasn’t interested in any of my Feng Shui advise, so I just dropped it. And so, the cycle of buying more books and adding them to her ever growing pile continued.

However, one night Katie got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, and she left the lights off because she didn’t want to wake her husband. But on the way back to bed she slipped and fell on that pile of books, and hit her hip on the corner of the footboard. Fortunately, Katie was not seriously hurt, but there was a nasty puncture wound on her hip and she was quite sore and bruised for a couple of weeks.

As she was recounted the incident over our weekly morning coffee, she admitted that maybe I had been right about all those books on the floor. As I listened, I again gently reminded her that perhaps that was a very practical reason for not having all her books scattered on the floor. As we continued our conversation, she became a tiny bit more open to the benefits of Feng Shui, and asked if I had any recommendations.

Of course, my first suggestion was to pick those books up off the floor and put them somewhere where they could easily be accessed, and she could actually see what was there. I suspected that Katie might not even know which books she had lying on the floor, all piled on top of each other, and I wondered if she had even read them all, or remember which ones she had bought.

We agreed to meet at Katie’s house the following weekend and tackle the books. When I arrived, Katie informed me that she was open to my suggestions but that she was not going to spend any money on this “woo, woo” stuff, and she wanted her books to stay in the bedroom. Okay, maybe a bit of a challenge I thought, but I was up for it. As I stared down at the pile of books next to her bed, I asked if she had ever considered a bookcase, though admittedly, I’m not a big fan of putting a bookcase in a bedroom.

I believe that books are better suited to other rooms in the house. A book by its very nature is the voice of someone talking. So if you have a lot of books in your bedroom, you “metaphorically” have a lot of voices talking all the time while you are trying to sleep. It may seem a little “woo woo,” but from a Feng Shui standpoint, a bookcase in the bedroom may not the best idea. Fortunately, Katie agreed but still insisted on keeping her books close by.

As I surveyed the room, I noticed a mostly empty corner with a chair that was lightly covered in dust. “Katie, what do you use this chair for,” I ask. “Nothing really,” she replied. I just have it there because I need something to fill the space.” So I suggested that maybe we could create a little reading nook in that unused corner. Though Katie admitted that she preferred to read in bed, she was curious enough to give it a try. However, she firmly reminded me that she was not going to spend any money on it. “Not a problem,” I replied. “Most people already have everything they need to create change, it’s just a matter of finding it.”

So off we went on a scavenger hunt! We found an unused rectangular wicker basket in the closest that was the perfect size to hold magazines and books. A tiny lamp that was shoved in the back of a crowded bookshelf in the living room was repurposed as a reading lamp. An old pillow on the couch found a new home on the chair accompanied by a previously retired afghan blanket in the basement. Sensing we still needed one more thing, I turned to Katie and ask if she was open to spending a little bit of money. “How much,” she said with slight irritation in her voice. “Not much,” I said, “maybe twenty dollars or so, for a floating shelf above the chair.” Preceded by some grumbling from Katie, off to the local hardware store we went.

After placing most of the books and magazines in the basket and on the shelf, we did a little styling and voila! As we stepped back to admire our work, Katie exclaimed “Wow! That looks great!” Admittedly, it did. “Now, instead of always reading in bed, you can also use this cozy little reading space,” I said. “And you can also easily access all of your books”.

But that is where the story got interesting, because anytime we make a change and shift our energy the energy shifts around us. Even though Katie didn’t really believe in Feng Shui or it’s benefits, she did start to feel better. She got up a little earlier and felt a bit more energetic in the mornings. Then she did something unexpected, she packed up all the books that she was no longer interested in or had the desire to read anymore and donated them to the town library. While she was there, she noticed a sign above the drop-off bin that had all sorts of interesting book clubs and free classes. With a little nudging form her husband, she signed up for a conversational Spanish class. Not only did she start learning a new language, but she also met some new friends.

And although this may not seem like a significant part of her story, it was. Over time, Katie had started drifting into her emotional Water Element side, instead of her principal personality of Earth Element. While her Watery side was fine spending time alone reading and deepening her knowledge, Katie’s, Earth Element was lacking a sense of community, which is such and important part of her over all personality. Her Earth Element was actually craving more meaningful connections with people.

Katie is still not a believer of Feng Shui, and that’s okay, she does’t have to be. Feng Shui doesn’t need our permission to work it’s magic. And the truth is, we don’t know what that magic is going to look like anyway, because Feng Shui isn’t transactional. But what we do know is, as in Katie’s story, those changes are most likely to show up as exactly what is needed in that moment of time!