life – Elemental Energies

Green Bean And Lamb Stew

Lately, now that I have more time on my hands, I find myself in the kitchen a lot. Cooking has become like art to me, well, it is an art actually. I have become so curious that I find myself browsing though cookbooks in bookstores, and scanning food magazines while I wait in the grocery line. I’ve even taken up listening to a new podcast all about the science and history of food.

And though I may have been feeling the pull toward the culinary arts gradually, I realized that it wasn’t so new. I had always been interested in some form of cooking as far back as grade school. I remember being in my childhood kitchen trying to recreate a recipe for chip dip, that my mother had served at a party a few nights before. Diligently working to combining Miracle Whip with salt, pepper and any other spices I could find. Then there was the cake decorating class I took in the seventh grade, and the time I eagerly convinced my mother to teach me how to make her homemade macaroni and potato salads as a teenager.

I had somehow missed the fact that it wasn’t just the fine arts that intrigued me, but cooking as well. I like the idea of creating little edible masterpieces every time I’m in the kitchen. However, that being said, it has to be easy and it has to be fun. If it is a long drawn out process, recipes that take a great deal of time or are too complicated, I am kind of out. I’ll leave those to my husband!

Mostly it is just me having some fun, playing around and learning what works and what doesn’t. Purely everyday sort of stuff. Until, I got inspired by my favorite food podcast to try something a little more challenging.

After listen to an episode about the history of Chinese American food, I decided to dig a little deeper into my own ancestry and find out what culinary delights it might have to offer. Being a mixture of Irish, Scottish, Canadian and Lebanese it was hard to pick. But since I have always loved Italian food, I decided to go with the Mediterranean side. So, Lebanese it was.

As I explored the rich history of mediterranean food, I stumbled on Maureen Abood and her classic Lebanese Mediterranean cuisine. Perfect, I thought! And as I scrolled through her collection of recipes, it brought back fond memories of the “Syrian food” my Lebanese grandfather and his siblings used to bring to our family gathering on special occasions. The stuffed grape leaves, the Syrian bread, it was all so good!

It didn’t take much convincing for my husband, he was in! And after deciding on an easy dish we were off to the supermarket to source the ingredients for our green bean and lamb stew. It seemed to be about the right skill level for us. “I don’t think we can mess this up,” I confidently said to my husband.

Perhaps a little too simple, we thought, after returning from the store and surveying all the fixings. Hmm, is this going to be good, I mused? Of course, it was best that the recipe wasn’t too complicated, because there is nothing easy about the two of us working together in the kitchen… or anywhere for that matter. We are not good collaborators and I don’t share well when it comes to my kitchen… because it is my kitchen after all! Let’s just say the stew wasn’t the only thing quietly simmering away. But as the delightful aroma started to waft through the air, all was forgiven.

And the results? The green been and lamb stew was amazing! Lip smacking good!! It just goes to remind me that some of the best things in life are the simple, uncomplicated things. The moment making stuff. The mundane stuff I guess, except there was NOTHING mundane about that stew! My Lebanese grandfather would have been proud!

If you are interested in the recipe or want to learn more about Maureen and her Lebanese Mediterranean Cuisine, I have attached a link to her website: https://maureenabood.com/

Oh My Fluffy White Nemesis!

Recently I’ve written a lot about the Water Element. Maybe because here in the Northeast we are stuck in the throws of a particularly brutal winter. We’ve got more than we asked for in snow and frigid temperatures. In fact, if anyone needs some extra of either, we have plenty to spare!

I am not a winter enthusiast, I loathe it. As my husband will tell you, anytime we get an ounce of snow, I have a mini meltdown. I can’t tell you how many time my heart has sunk into my chest as I made my way down the stairs, only to look out at yet another unexpected snowfall blanketing the driveway. “It’s nature, you can’t control it,” my husband calmly, and ever so slightly amused, responds to my exasperation at the sight of my fluffy white nemesis.

Winter just feels so long and isolating. It is supposed to, I know. “But I have a lot of Fire Element in my personality and I need warmth and sun,” I grumbled to my friend Theresa, while we sipped on jalapeño martinis during a recent “girls night out” dinner. “Yeah, it’s been harsh,” she acknowledged, taking a bite of her pasta. “But come July, we are going to be whining about the sweltering 90 degree weather!” “Fair enough,” I agreed, as we switched the topic to AI.

And that’s just it, some people are fine with winter, the ones who like to hibernate in the basement playing video games or watching movies. Perhaps for the folks out on the ski slopes, or for those to whom social interaction and human contact is not such a big deal. Actually, for those people, too much human interaction can be a real drag on their nervous system. But those of us for which community and socialization are vital, the quiet solitude of winter can be a bit underwhelming and depressing.

In fact, solitude of any kind can be challenging for certain types of Fire Element personalities, especially if it represents their evolutionary path and core issue in life. These are the open-hearted individuals, for whom connecting with others is essential. But sometimes, in their zeal to make others feel loved and seen, this same trait can make them a bit of a pleaser. And hidden beneath that, lies the fear of rejection.

One of my favorite 9 Star Ki mentors told such a story about a client of their’s, who they had worked with many years ago. The client had recently moved to a new city and felt lonely and isolated. In her desire to make new friends, she often spent hours sitting in the office of her apartment complex listening to people come in and spew out all their problems. However, she did not get paid to sit and listen to these people, and they were not her friends. They just came to unload their frustrations and leave feeling better.

Because her heart was so open and she craved friends, she lacked discernment and boundaries. Instead of finding new friends, she became a lonely service provider. And the fear of rejection resulted in her spending too much time in the office, which prevented her from discovering healthier relationships, and more enjoyable ways to socialize.

But fortunately, with some gentle coaching from my 9 Star Ki mentor, she eventually did move on from the office, and found more pleasurable ways to meet people.

As for me, I think I’ll hideout in the warmth of my cozy kitchen. Imagining balmy summer days, while creating savory suppers and comfort food to enjoy with my family and friends. And as we gather around the table in the solace of good company, we’ll raise our jalapeño martinis in a toast to the coming spring.

So take that my fluffy white nemesis! Even though Punxsutawney Phil has predicted six more weeks of winter, you can’t hold off those daffodils forever! And as for old man winter, yeah… I don’t think we’re going to be friends.

Understanding Our Energetic Roadmap

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For many people, the new year begins in January, with fresh expectations and newly minted goals in hand. But for me, February is when I start to think about the year ahead. And it’s not so much about the goals or achievements that I am pondering, but rather the questions I will ask of the coming year.

Because in the astrological system of 9 Star Ki, February 4th begins the shift. And with it comes distinctively new energetic patterns and “homework,” for each year. I have found it to be a valuable and interesting way to look back at the year that has just ended and gain insight into the year that is emerging. It helps us to decide if it’s the best time to push forward or to rest and reflect. Sometimes with jaw dropping accuracy, and at other times, with a simple shrug and a “yeah, that happened.”

And in 2025, I was in one of those quiet reflective years. It is called a year of “transformation,” but to me it felt more like being stuck in the mud. Thick mud, the kind your boots get stuck in on an early spring day, when the snow starts to melt. Moving forward was an enormous effort and nothing seemed clear. Communication can be difficult in a year like this, and little details can be missed. And even though I knew this going in, it still happened.

In September, while attending a one time blogging class, I was discussing my work with the 9 Star Ki, when couple of interested classmates asked me for my website information. Later, as I was recounting the events of the evening to my husband, he looked at me with mild irritation and replied, “you gave them the wrong website name!” And sure enough, I had. Those pesky little “details!”

However, even though 9 Star Ki is a remarkable way to understand our energetic patterns and yearly cycles, it is not a fortune cookie or an immutable predictor of fate. We still have to do the work. Essentially, it is a tool that shows us our energetic “weather” for the year.

But precisely because it is so accurate, it can be tempting to rely on it a bit too much, and instead treat it as a way of life. The same can be true of Feng Shui, Western Astrology or any of the instruments we use to help us navigate our journey in life. When I first started studying this system, I did just that.

In late winter of 2011, my husband started a new career path that required our family to relocate from New Jersey to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Though I knew the move would be stressful, I was more amazed at the accuracy of the energetic pattern, than surprised. I had just entered a season of rapid growth and change, and I figured why not? Let’s just go for it, and so we did.

Of course, as with any move, especially a major one, there were challenges. But when the dust settled, we started to make friends and form a new community. However, in the spring of 2013, when my husband had entered into the same cycle of change that I had been in two years prior, his company abruptly moved his entire group back east.

The challenge, besides the fact that we were facing yet another cross country move, was that I wasn’t in a year of change. In fact, I was in an “eye of the hurricane,” as Jean Haner, the author of Your Hidden Symmetry, calls it. And the advice for the year is to stay put!

I panicked. “What am I to do?” I pleaded with my 9 Star Ki teacher, “I can’t move, it’s the wrong year!” Though she did not seem too concerned, because it was the “eye of the hurricane” after all, and her advice was simple. “Just don’t take the lead, let your husband handle the big details,” she replied. “Give yourself some extra time and expect that there might be some complications.”

Well, not only didn’t I take the lead, I completely gave it to my husband (which is not what she told me to do, by the way). I followed the script for the year a little too closely and ended up giving myself a lot of complication. Complications that lasted years, because not only was he in a year of change, but he was also in a year where he could be impulsive. And he impulsively bought a house… without me. As you might imagine, this did not go well for either of us!

The point is, I wasn’t supposed to give my power up because a 9 Star Ki yearly cycle advised not to move. Life happens. What I was supposed to do is expect that there might be some extra challenges. Instead, I took it too literally and got a house and a community that wasn’t the best fit. And as my wise Five Element acupuncturist always reminds me, “it is meant to be a tool, not a way of life.”

And that is exactly I how I approach the 9 Star Ki energetic cycles now. With wonder and curiosity. A way to look back, reflect, and gain some insight, and maybe even do a little yearly homework. But mostly as a valuable roadmap on my journey through time.

Everyday Cooking: The Art of Simple Suppers

Cooking has a kind of effortless feel to me. However, not the big extravagant holiday meals, those simply exhaust me. Rather, it is the everyday suppers that I look forward to preparing. There is a certain sort of creativity and experimentation to it.

In fact, every morning one of the first things I think about when I am getting ready for the day is, “what’s for supper tonight?” As I start planning, I do a visual inventory of what is in the refrigerator. I love to take what is already there, the leftovers, the things that are about to expire or that no one will eat and start imagining how I’ll make it all come together.

Most of the time my creations are a win, however, there are a few that are less than appreciated by my family. I have definitely presented my fair share of flops. Like the time I decided to throw the leftover Thanksgiving cranberries in with the salmon. My daughter refused to even try it.

Or my infamous “scarlet quiche.” An intricate mixture of eggs, half and half, tomato paste, basil and mozzarella cheese. And as one might have expected, it received less than stellar reviews. Instead, it was more like shock and disgust… “I think you may have gone a bit to far with this one,” my husband observed, as he took a tentative bite, and contorted his face. Though his French mother, who is an amazing home cook, humorously said it was a good idea. Which in retrospect, probably should have clued me in that is wasn’t going to work out so well.

However, I do have some wins. Like my white pizza with pepperoni and sausage or my Thursday night enchiladas with all of the weeks leftovers mixed with cheddar cheese and sour cream. Seriously, those are really good, and believe it or not, a crowd pleaser. At least with my crowd of three, that is. I haven’t been brave enough to try it on company yet.

And It is the meals that I nail that keep me interested in the game. That is rather what it is to me, a sort of game. I take what no one wants to eat and create (hopefully), something delicious. But there is another reason why I love to be in the kitchen cooking everyday meals. There is a rythm to it. The chopping of the veggies, the mixing of ingredients and sauces. It’s like creating a work of art, and I can get lost in the flow of it.

Unlike painting, where my mind starts to quiet and settle, and the day’s rumination slip away with every swirl of the paint brush. Instead, I become energized with each stir of the spoon, sprinkle of spice or shake of salt and pepper. And the anticipation of the outcome, will it look good, will it be edible, and the forever discerning critique of my family animates me, and keeps me going.

But most importantly, the kitchen is a space all my own, where I can create anything I desire. Sure, my other family members use the space, but not as much or in the same way as I do. Except on the holidays when my husband decides to cook (and oh brother!), that is another whole blog post of it’s own. Some good French food on the table but a complete disaster in the kitchen! And guess who gets to clean up that mess?!

So yeah, it is the practical preparation of the ordinary meals that I really enjoy. It is the easy, simple stuff, and just being in the moment of absolute creativity. Perfection doesn’t exist and mistakes don’t matter, only an effortless delight. I’ll save the fancy French cuisine for my husband! Bon Appetite!

How Certain Elements Can Get Stuck In Challenging Relationships

“I can’t even talk! It is almost as if I could just put the phone down and go do something else and he would’t even know I was gone!” Mary uttered in a mixture of exasperation and irritation, as we sipped our coffee. Maybe you need better boundaries, I calmly replied, as I stirred my coffee, waiting for her usual reply. “I do have boundaries,” Mary grumbled. “No one listens to them.” Hmm, I thought. “There is a difference between asking and setting,” I gently replied. “What exactly are you getting at?” Mary snapped, as she broke off a small piece of her muffin. “Let’s talk some 9 Star Ki,” I replied, and grinned as Mary sighed.

We have all been there, stuck in a bad relationship and wondering how we got there. Even when we’ve done the work, have reasonably good boundaries, and consider ourselves to be psychologically aware, how do we sometimes find ourselves caught up in unhealthy relationships?

Of course, there are many good reasons why some of us get stuck in challenging relationships, and those circumstances are beyond the scope of this blog. But from a 9 Star Ki perspective, there are some very positive traits that certain Elemental personalities hold in their core that also have the potential to keep them trapped.

Empathy, compassion, nurturing and an open heart are a few of those wonderful qualities, but those same traits can sometimes keep us tangled up in toxic relationships.

Mary is strongly an Earth Element personality. These folks are the caregivers. They carry a calm, grounded and stable essence. Like the rich soil of the earth, they nurture and support us. But because of their strong sense of loyalty and compassion, they can have trouble setting boundaries.

In fact, Earth people can feel quite guilty about saying no to someone’s request or not being able to be there when a friend or family member needs them. Even if it is logistically not possible. And because they have the ability to be so supportive, Earth element people can sometimes take on too much of the emotional burden, be too willing to be the container that holds another’s emotions.

And that is what happened to Mary. In her honest desire to help her friend, she had become too much of his emotional support system. So much so, that he became too dependent on her for his emotional regulation and even though she knew this, and could feel it starting to affect her own life, she felt too guilty to say something or to set boundaries.

Often, Earth people don’t ask for what they need, because they sometimes secretly wish the other person would just know what they wanted. Earth Element folks are so wonderfully aware of other peoples needs, they sometimes assume the same is true for them. But what can happen when they don’t ask for help is that they become depleted, which can turn into angry resentment, then they stop giving. And their nurturing, compassionate and grounding essence starts to dim.

And we don’t what that to happen, because we need our Earth Element folks! They bring such empathy, compassion and nurturing energy into the world. But that is what was starting to happen to Mary.

And so, that day over coffee we talked about the many wonderful Earth Element qualities and challenges. The need for Mary to set boundaries, not to request them. To limit the amount of time she spent on the phone listening to her friend’s problems. Instead of calling every week, maybe talking every two weeks and only for a half-hour.

Mary was so good at helping her friends and family and holding space for them, but not so good at doing so for herself. We spoke about the importance of setting some quality time aside to fill her own emotions container of wants and needs. I suggested finding new hobbies and activities that nourished her spirit and brought in some calm and grounding energy. And because Mary loves to cook, we talked about how preparing a nice meal to share with friends and family was a perfect way to “feed” her soul. Or simply, just having a nice cup of coco in her big comfy chair, all snuggled up with a good book and a warm plate of holiday cookies!

The Art Of Curiosity

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Completely uninspired, I stood in the center of my kitchen gazing out into the great room. It’s all so… boring. Sure, it looks good, it is definitely functional, but it is rather dull from an exhilarating point of view, I mused. Nothing screams out curiosity, fun or excitement. Instead, it just whispers of grounded, steady and quiet elegance.

In Feng Shui, it is said that a home is a reflection of the self. Though, I love the way it looks, and it has taken me years to get it exactly the way I envisioned it, still, is it exactly the way I wanted it? Now that the aesthetic is mostly done, I can truly see how it is a reflection of my life. I am grounded and steady, with an appreciation for beauty. But there definitely no fun lately. Creative, yes. Able to create beauty, yes. A sense of or order, yes. But fun… Not so much.

And that seems to be just what my life is missing. Fun, curiosity and a sense of purpose. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about purpose, so much so, that lately it has become like a full-time job. But finding purpose shouldn’t be a full-time job. Instead it should be more like a scavenger hunt, filled with curiosity, excitement and fun.

According to the Oxford dictionary curiosity is; 1 – a strong desire to know or learn something, 2 – a strong or unusual object or fact.

I am constantly on the lookout for learning new things, but predictably, it always seems to be much of the same subject matter. Psychology, Feng Shui and Nine Star Ki. Though, I have recently started to develop a genuine interest in Art History. However, art is not necessarily a new theme for me. When I was younger, I loved art, in fact, I eventually pursued a degree in graphic arts. Though I never really did much with it, or any kind of art for that matter.

My husband and daughter have no problem with curiosity. It just seems to flow out of their veins, especially when they have a desire to learn something new. They will happily dive in to whatever strikes their interest. In fact, just last weekend my husband wanted to go visits a local museum in Manchester, simply because he had never heard about it before, and just wanted to go check it out. However, I was not particularly interested in going, but to humor him, I went along.

But I did have a good time. I might even say it bordered on, dare I say it, “fun!” Walking around looking at all of the painting and sculptures while making connections to the art history podcast I’ve been listening to, was surprisingly enjoyable. As we concluded our visit in the gift shop of the museum, I found myself attracted by all the art supplies lining the shelves in the back of the shop. “Do you want to buy something,” my husband asked? “No,” I replied, “I don’t need anything, I have all this stuff at home in the basement.”

As we made our way to the car, I couldn’t stop thinking about all those paints, canvases and brushes, because secretly I did want to buy something. And after we got home, it stayed with me. I kept thinking about it all week. I journaled about it, “where has the fun in my life gone,” I thought? Where is the the curiosity? I wrote on the blank pages, seeking some inspirational answers.

But then as I stood there in the kitchen, it suddenly hit me. Exactly. Where IS the curiosity, the fun in my life. I don’t see it anywhere in this house! It is all so orderly and functional and predictable. I needed to do something different.

Just as with the second definition of curiosity, perhaps what I needed was “a strong or unusual object.” A reminder, a focal point of Curiosity. Something that would inspire me to get creative, to have fun, and to stop the endless predictability.

Knowing that something needed to shift, I cleared out a tiny corner in a cabinet next to the kitchen table and descended the steps to the basement to find the art supplies that had been hidden away in a dusty, cobweb filled corner. I returned with a few water color paints, some paper and a couple of brushes and gently tucked them into the cabinet with the aim to inspire more curiosity.

In Feng Shui terms, I set the intention to gently lean into finding new purpose and having some fun. Though, I can’t predict what will happen, and I’ve certainly not started painting like crazy, every afternoon at 2:00pm (that would be a little too predictable), that is just how the beauty and mystery of Feng Shui and spacial alchemy works. You set the intention, you change or add something new and then you wait and see what happens. Of course, I don’t mean to suggests that I wont “do” something too, like paint, or try to be more fun and creative. But simply that I have set the intention, given myself a nudge and now I’ll wait to see what the universe has to say about it. Stay tuned!

Uncovering The “Covering”

“Covering,” a word forged by the work of Sociologist Ervin Goffman and later refined by Kenji Yoshino, a Legal Scholar at New York University. It means in essence: “to downplay or hide one’s true identity, beliefs or characteristics to conform to the norms of society.”

I first heard this term when I was listening to a recent episode of the Hidden Brain podcast in which, the guest Kenji Yoshino, spoke about what happens when we try to pretend to be someone that we are not, in order to fit in. This topic is interesting to me, because the work that I have done for the last sixteen years is about uncovering one’s hidden strengths and challenges in order to step more fully into our authentic selves.

Ironically, my work primarily centers around the principles of The Nine Star Ki, a Japanese system of understanding our personal Ki or energy. A concept of energy that is imprinted on us the day we are born, and continues to influence us throughout our lives. Interestingly, Kenji is an American of Japanese decent, and I could not help but wonder if he was familiar with this system.

As Kenji explains, most of us hide an aspect of ourselves that we don’t think other people would understand or accept, so we cover in order to fit in. I can certainly relate to this. I have been happily married for over twenty years, and no one has every suspected that there is an age difference between me and my husband, but there is. At times, I have felt the need to hide the fact that I married later in life, I’m older than my husband and had my daughter in my mid forties. Mostly out of a fear that I would not be accepted, or worse, that it would affect the acceptance of my daughter or husband.

I am often asked why I am so passionate about the ancient art of Nine Star Ki (astrology), and it is specifically because I find it to be such a valuable and amazing tool that we can use throughout our lives to help us “uncover” and rebalance our sometimes forgotten inner energetic patters. Like a roadmap that has been imprinted with our unique energetic signature. And one that we can turn to, all through our lives to help navigate our path, better understand our gifts and challenges, achieve goals, or give us the potential for more harmonious relationships.

I have spent many years studying and practicing the Nine Star Ki, precisely because I have had struggles around showing up authentically more than once in my life. This ancient, simplistically refined and profoundly accurate system of understanding one’s personality is, in my opinion, sometimes more accurate than many of the personality assessment that I have taken over the years. Myers-Briggs and Strong included. Of course, I have a lot of regard for those assessments. They are very detailed and valid too, but Nine Star Ki is definitely my go to, over and over again. And it never disappoints.

Often, when I am listening to a podcast or reading an article where someone is discussing a topic I resonate with, such as with Kenji’s interview on Hidden Brain, I make a point of trying to discover their energetic patterns and the cycle of time they happen to be moving through. What I usually find is that their pattern almost always match with their life circumstance and/or purpose. Which to me is fascinating, because most, if not all, have no knowledge of the Nine Star Ki and are quite organically aligned with their inner design. This is encouraging, because it suggests that most of us are never really as far off course as we sometimes believe we are.

Kenji is no exception. As I listened to him tell his story, I began see his inner patterns weaving together. How his fear of judgement initially blocked him from being able to step into his own authenticity, and why it became so important for him to be a leading force in helping others recognize the ways in which they may be consciously or unconsciously covering too. Kenji has the potential to be very influential in his field of work and the ability to be a strong champion in guiding others to align with their own inner truths.

Because it’s not about covering what’s wrong with our stories, but instead uncovering what is right.

If you are interested in learning more about “covering” and Kenji Yoshino’s story I am including the link to the Hidden Brain podcast – Dropping The Mask – https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/dropping-the-mask/

And

For more information about the Nine Star Ki, I highly recommend the book “Your Hidden Symmetry,” by Jean Haner.

Finding Meaning as a Stay-at-Home Mom

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Every morning, as I pour my morning coffee, I reach up and grab a small notecard that I keep hidden within my coffee mugs. On it, I’ve scribbled six important questions to ask myself before going about my daily tasks. One of those questions is, “Did I do my best to find meaning in my work, or in my life?” I had learned about these daily queries from one of the many inspirational podcasts that I listen to. But today, for whatever reason, it occurred to me that I have been doing it backwards.

I realized the questions are supposed to be asked before going to bed at night, not in the morning. They are meant to call attention to how we have moved throughout our day. Did I do my best to be fully present, achieve my goals (to be honest, did I even set goals), to be happy (happy, what’s that), and to be fully engaged (definitely a challenge)?

But when I ask those same questions in the morning, a funny thing happens. Rather than reflecting back on my day, I am sort of chasing after the answers. Because instead of finding meaning in the work I do, I spend my days looking for meaningful work to do.

Although there is nothing wrong with looking for something worthwhile to do, the problem is, I don’t think the work I am doing has much relevance. And nothing brought this point into sharper focus, than during my French conversation class.

We had been learning how to pronounce different professions in French, and our instructor asked us each to practice saying what our occupations were. As soon as she said it, I panicked. Oh no, I thought. She is going to ask me what I do for a living and I don’t have anything to say. I’m just a stat-at-home mom, and I’m not even that anymore because my daughter is now in college.

One by one, I listened as my classmates answered: an accountant, a computer programer a retired lawyer. When she got to me, I felt the slow flush of redness on my cheeks. “I guess you could say I’m a retired say-at-home mom,” I murmured, “because my daughter is away in college.” “It’s okay, you can say you’re a housewife,” my instructor cheerfully replied. Une femme au foyer, she announced to the class. And although the French do seem to have a way of making even the most mundane sound impressive, my heart just sank into my stomach.

I have trouble finding meaning in the ordinary stuff I do all day. Yes, it helps people, mainly my family, but it doesn’t feel like it is important enough of a contribution. I remember decades ago having lunch with a friend when our daughters were still in strollers, and I was rambling on and on about how I wanted to do something more with my life. She sternly looked over at me and flatly replied “why can’t you just accept that you’re a stay-at-home mom.”

Because the truth is, I am always trying to find meaning two stories up from where I am standing right now. But I am never going to find it there. Until I can learn to embrace the purpose in my everyday life, in the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, not the lofty goals and glamorous life I dream about, but the everyday life of an ordinary housewife, “une femme au foyer,” nothing else will matter. There is always a starting point, and maybe that starting point is accepting that what I am doing now is enough.

And maybe what I do is in fact more meaningful than I give myself credit for: keeping a household running smoothly, cooking good meals to keep my family and myself healthy, making sure bills get paid in time, making our home a peaceful and inspiring heaven…Maybe I enable good things to happen and that is good enough for us.

So instead of looking two stories up I’ll try to ground myself where I am standing right now. And rather than searching for that one meaningful role, I’ll remind myself to place value on the little choices and actions I make throughout the day, no matter how ordinary or mundane they sometimes feel.

And in the meantime, I’ll focus on energize the Knowledge and Self Cultivation area of the bagua, and while I’m at it, I might just place a couple pieces of rose quartz in theRelationship section too (aka the symbolic “Mother” domain in Feng Shui), after all, she is the Divine “Femme au foyer,” of the bagua map!

Stuck In The Muddy Mess Of Transformation

As I unpacked my new hairdryer and removed it from the box, I excitedly said to my husband, “oh my gosh, I love it! It’s teal.” I hadn’t paid much attention to the color when I ordered it, I just wanted that particular model. It is fascinating how this color keeps showing up in my life though, because it also happens to be one of the accent colors we chose for the refresh design in our bedroom and bathroom.

Interestingly, teal, green and light blue are the colors associated with the Wood Element in Feng Shui. Wood energy is symbolic of spring and new beginnings. It is also pretty good at breaking up the sometimes stuck energy of Earth. Curiously, those are precisely the colors that I seem to be drawing in. The synchronicity is spot on, because lately, I have been feeling completely stuck and rudderless, hopelessly in need of a change.

Somedays, it feels like the only meaningful work I do is making sure everyone has their laundry in the hamper by Friday, or having dinner on the table by six. Necessary, but not exactly groundbreaking work. Even getting out of the house to go to the mailbox can seem like a chore.

I happen to be going through a cycle of time the ancient Chinese referred to as, a year of transformation. In a year like this things can really become unclear, like staring down into a puddle of muddy water. And as if that is not difficult enough, it also happens to be colliding with that fact that I have just become an empty nester.

Though I have been studying this system for many years, and I know these cycles well, this one feels particularly challenging. It is like being in the middle of the ocean with no new land on the horizon. We have all been through it, those moments in life when we reach the end of something, a job, a relationship, kids going off to college, retirement, a milestone birthday. But those periods in the middle of uncertainty can seem quite expansive, between the end of one goal or phase in life, and the beginning of the next.

As much as I want to breakout of this stuck place I find myself in, I also know there is no way around it. Even though I would like nothing better than to sit down at the kitchen table on a Sunday afternoon with a cup of coffee, and just figure it all out, that is not going to happen.

So how do we keep moving when we find ourselves stuck, floating in the sea of uncertainty, unable to see where we are going? One way is to bring a little Wood Element in to break up the stuckness and get moving again.

We can introduce Wood’s energy into our spaces symbolically with color, plants or shapes, but we can also usher it in with action. Wood Element is all about action – beginning, middle, end – move on. And as is the case with Wood energy, continually seeking out new goals to pursue, we also may not just have one destination to follow. Instead of asking ourselves how to figure out what that one best solution or way out of stuckness is, maybe we should try coming up with three different scenarios (which coincidently, is also the number that represents Wood Element).

Although trying different things may seem obvious, when we can’t see where we are going and nothing is very clear, we need something to work on to bring us closer to that end goal. Breaking things down to create tiny little goal helps lift our spirits and brings us one step closer, and even just one step closer to that final goal, is an achievement when we are lingering in the middle.

But what if we have no idea where we want to go, or there is no final direction on the horizon, as is the case with me? That’s okay, it’s a call to action. Sometimes we are meant to slow down and reevaluate our life’s path. There always comes a point in time when we plateau, just as with an athlete or an artist, our muscles get used to the way we are performing. We get into a rut and we lose a little bit of our creativity in the process. At those moments in time, it can be good to just set it down, walk away and try something completely unrelated and different. And slowly, as the land starts to surface on the horizon again, we gain renewed enthusiasm and momentum.

But for now, I’ve just got to sit with my thoughts and let this transformation of life take root. And as my Chinese acupuncturist wisely says when I ruminate on a problem for too long, “no new Information is coming in, work on something else for a while.”