Trying to clear some space in my bedroom nightstand, I found some old journals that I thought I could tuck away in a new spot. Out of curiosity, I found myself flipping through the pages and what I discovered brought me great amusement. Though in retrospect, it probably should have horrified me.
“Audrey, come here,” I called out to my daughter in the other room. “You are not going to believe this!”
Page after page of my journal entries all said the same thing. Literally, the exact same complaints and manifestations. Almost in the exact same language. Continually over and over again. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day.
Okay, maybe that would not have been so bad if it had been in the last year or two, but these journals were written almost two decades, three states and three houses ago! Seriously, the exact same request and grievances. It didn’t matter if I was reading about life in New Jersey, New Mexico or Massachusetts. Same, same, same.
July 2011 – We never have anything to do on the 4th of July
August 2014 – We don’t have any friends
April 2009 – The neighbors are annoying, they are just trying to use us
September 2009 – I want to get a job in interior design and become a real estate agent
September 2009 – I want to start doing some Nine Star Ki readings
January 2008 through present – I don’t know what my purpose is
I could not help but laugh out loud! “Oh My God! This sounds like what I was just complaining about yesterday,” I said to my daughter, through fits of laughter.
“I think you may have an inaction problem,” she dryly responded
“I think you might be right!” I said, while pondering what a little smarty pants she has become at the ripe old age of twenty. “Let’s not tell your father about this one,” I suggested, as I tucked the journals away in the desk drawer. “He already complains that I am always talking about the same things.”
‘What are the stories you tell yourself?’, is what they always ask on my favorite psychology podcasts. And apparently, I am narrating the same ones over and over! But why? After a little reflection, though, I do have some theories.
When I started journaling those entries, I was going through a lot of stress. We were relocating from our home in New Jersey, where I had spent most of my life, because of my husbands new career. We were leaving behind friends and family to move cross-country to New Mexico, and then again a couple of years later to Massachusetts. So yeah, there was a little bit of stress and anxiety going on there.
Sometimes when we are going through a lot of stress or even depression, we get stuck in a rut, or as psychologist and neuroscientist Norman Farb says, we create a sort of mental default map. Though it helps us navigate stressful events by putting us on autopilot as we are moving through them, it can take over and suppress the sensory part of the brain. In other words, no new information can get through.
And if no new information is getting through, then there is nothing to breakup the stories we are telling ourselves, and replaying over and over in our heads. “We need to break the script and rediscover the path forward,” as Dr. Farb says. Sounds good, but how do we do that? Because I kind of want to get out of this mental loop! Mkay?
Fortunately, there are a few ways to try and reset the sensory part of our brains, such as check in with ourselves more, and pay attention to the rumination and negative thoughts that are replaying. The more you rerun the narrative, the more you relive the story. The more you say the neighbors are annoying the more annoying the neighbors become… for the next twenty years! That’s a bit long mate! It may be time to edit the story.
Instead, pay attention to what is going on in your life today, right now. When you are spiraling with rumination and negative thoughts, try to reconnect with the sensory part of the brain. Like how the cold bathroom tiles feel on your feet in the morning or the late afternoon sun on your face. Or how it feels when you are connecting with another person. This is a big one, because often, negative thoughts and rumination can cause us to disconnect from other people. Which can keep us stuck in the mental default map, and we all want to feel loved and accepted.
As for me, I am going to examine those repetitive thoughts and think about what is true and what needs to be rewritten.
We don’t do anything on the 4th of July – But we did do something on the 3rd of July
I’m pretty sure we have friends – (I just can’t find them, they must be hiding)
The neighbors aren’t so annoying – they sometimes even bring us good food
I don’t want to be a real estate agent – I’d rather write my blog instead
I’ve done tons of Nine Star Ki readings – I’ve just never been paid (but I’ve also never asked)
My purpose, ehh… well I’m still working on that one!
And as my acupuncturist always says when I am stuck in rumination a bit too much, “no new information is coming in, work on something else for a while.”
Elemental Energies 